My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
