she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
