how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
