dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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