I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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