AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
