theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
