I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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