I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
