it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i believe in u and ur pee
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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