Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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