oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
