I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
