I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
