I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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