before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I came so hard my ears popped.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
