That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
