we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
