I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
