I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
