Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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