After last night, I could never be a politician.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my being single is dangerous.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
