She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
