who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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