from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
