I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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