its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
