Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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