what day is it and did you see me today?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
