Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
