There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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