Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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