Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
