I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't put those talents on a resume
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
