so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
