I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
