You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
