You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
being pregnant is like rehab
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
