We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
