Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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