this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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