idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
