I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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