I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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