I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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