I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
