Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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