i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The beer is more important than you right now.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
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So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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