im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
