I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
