how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
