just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
