...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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