you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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