did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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