Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
