it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize