she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
