so explain again why im purple
no
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
