Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
