party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
