if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
