so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
