when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize