I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
