First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize