Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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