She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
