I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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