After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
