Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
